“I want to find a church that loves me for who I am.”

“I’m looking for a place that won’t judge me.”

“I need a church that will love me and my family and help us feel appreciated.”

There is really nothing inherently wrong with the above statements.  One might notice the focus on self.  The quick answer is to tell someone to look for a place they can serve, and not just a place that serves them.  That sounds good, and it is correct, but we have to be honest, we do live in an individualistic society.  Whether we admit it or not, we all desire to be in a church where we belong, where we feel appreciated, and that loves us.

But, as church leaders, how far do we take this?  Are we to offer the best user experience we possibly can?  Well, yes, we should … But, I ask again, how far do we take this?  What if the “who I am” of the person is completely contrary to God’s Word?  What if the person needs judging?  (And yes, we are CALLED to judge other believers … another blog, another day).   What if the family is in complete shambles and needs help?

I’ve battled internally the role of my own shepherding over the years.  My core personality is a people-pleaser.  I want others to be happy, and if I’m honest, I want them to be happy with me.  No one likes to be disliked.  But, if you’ve been in ministry anytime at all, you know this is not reality.  We live in a fallen world, and disagreements and misunderstandings happen.  People are not always going to approve of me (or you).  If you find yourself in a situation where everyone is agreeing with you, it might be time to question your leadership.  That sounds harsh right?  Sure we can get more agreement if we stay in the middle of the road.  You know, don’t take too many hard stands, and if you do, make sure it’s an echo chamber stand.  It’s easy to get an “amen” when you know that 99% of the people agree with you!  We can get everyone to like us if we are always agreeable with everything, no matter what.  But, that’s not authentic, and it’s not our calling … We are shepherds, and shepherds lead.

Taking a stand is tough.  Doing the right thing is tough.  What about the church member that is privately living in sin?  I say privately, because if it’s public, it’s not as difficult to confront.  But what if it’s private?  What if you are called to talk to that church member privately?  Your desire is truly to help and to restore.  But, you are risking a lot by confronting.  They can respond harshly.  They can spread gossip.  Meanwhile, you remain silent to the rest of the congregation out of respect for the person.  What about the church member that is in a bad relationship?  What about the ones that are harming themselves?  Shepherding a flock is not easy if it’s done the right way.

Church leaders, it’s time we regain the boldness to which God called us.  I’m not saying we go through the congregation slaying everyone over every sin and every issue.  My people-pleasing personality would revolt against that anyway.  But, I do believe we should be reminded that “our battle is not against flesh and blood”.  I’ve been reminded this past week on several occasions that there is a very real spirit realm.  As we “confront” people we are actually confronting “the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil”.  We have members that are in bondage.

One word of caution:  We have to make sure that we are ready spiritually ourselves!  As we confront issues, attacks are sure to happen.  There will be backlash from others, there will be misunderstanding.  You might even risk your job.  But, aren’t we called to be Christ’s representatives?  Isn’t that what our calling is all about?

As I look ahead at my future days in ministry, I want to be a warrior that fights the dark forces.  I would much rather be misunderstood and even disliked on earth, than to spend eternity not making a difference.  I feel like I need to state an obvious here:  I’m not saying we all need to be butt-heads and walk through our congregations being a human wrecking ball.  We need to be agreeable and likeable people.  We need to open our hearts and arms to everyone.  But, we also need to be bold enough to call out sin when it’s there.  We need to dig underneath the surface talk and provide honesty in situations.

True love doesn’t always agree.  True love sometimes hurts.  It hurts others, and it might even hurt us.  But, truth heals.

My prayer:  God help us to be “truth in love” people.  I pray especially for younger ministers that are just starting.  Help them be bold.   God I pray for healing for our people.  We live in dark times.  Warfare is all around us.  Families are being destroyed, addictions are at an all time high.  We are more connected, yet less connected than ever.  Help our churches to be more than just a gathering to help us feel better.  I pray that our congregations become life-giving.  Root out the deepest issues in us, your leaders first.  Help us to become the warriors that you called us to be.  Help us to know when to speak up, and when to be silent, when to confront, and when to console.  We need Your wisdom, Your help, and Your power.  Help us Lord … Amen!